[ Dean wants to say he hadn't meant it in a way that implied that he had no one. Hell, all he'd really meant was that he didn't have Baby, that he had no other outlets, no venues like fucking his little heart out to save the day. There was nothing but the booze left over to pick him up off his feet and dust him off and even that was starting to fail, a steady trickling over of what he needed and what he wanted and what he couldn't have all becoming a steady blur until there was nothing left to do but sleep. And even that's a waste- he has to do something.
Except there is no something's anymore.
But he's guilty as fuck for saying it in the first place, for letting the words drop, and he scrubs his mouth before pouring another shot and souring the taste in the back of his throat. The bitter feeling that he's left Sam and Cas out in the for the benefit of earning a little pity.
And pity? Is not what he wants. No, he wants answers, he's desperate to know. To understand. To get a grip on himself with fingers that don't keep slipping. ]
Not like we're alone, right? [ Except he near chokes on the words and it's stupid, he feels stupid, and he wants to get up and walk away because of it. Find where the gravel notes of his voice have wandered off to and shake the life out of them for betraying him and his confusion, for pedaling out the pain of his self hatred and leaving nothing in its wake. ]
I know Sam likes place more than I do- nothing wrong with that.
ITS..... PERFECTLY.... FINE.....
Except there is no something's anymore.
But he's guilty as fuck for saying it in the first place, for letting the words drop, and he scrubs his mouth before pouring another shot and souring the taste in the back of his throat. The bitter feeling that he's left Sam and Cas out in the for the benefit of earning a little pity.
And pity? Is not what he wants. No, he wants answers, he's desperate to know. To understand. To get a grip on himself with fingers that don't keep slipping. ]
Not like we're alone, right? [ Except he near chokes on the words and it's stupid, he feels stupid, and he wants to get up and walk away because of it. Find where the gravel notes of his voice have wandered off to and shake the life out of them for betraying him and his confusion, for pedaling out the pain of his self hatred and leaving nothing in its wake. ]
I know Sam likes place more than I do- nothing wrong with that.