[ Talking about Sam? Now there's a thing he can do. It's not talking about Cas, it's not himself, it's not the way his skin has been crawling lately with the remnants of all the ways in which he hates himself. It certainly isn't his confusion - Sam he knows and he almost twists a smile into place as he watches the tequila dribble over the edges, long lost memories frothing up in the back of his mind, replacing his fears and his terrors over all the parts of himself he cannot fix, cannot make right. ]
You mean the, uh- [ He waves a hand before pulling a shot glass near, already lining up another lime, preparing himself for the downpour of booze, the numbing waves he needs right now to drown out the static noise that's raining down in the back of his mind. ]
Optimistic puppy dog thing? Always looking up, always gonna get better, just look on the bright side? [ He's not sure why he's trying to offer her something here, like showing baby photos out of his back pocket that he does not possess of a little brother he wants to give the world to. Whatever makes you happy, Sammy, whatever gives you what you need most, Dean would give him the world and then some if he could. And so he gives what he can before he downs a shot, because taking care of Sam, even without taking shit, is easy. He can do it asleep, with his eyes closed, dangling with his life on the line. Sam is what he knows when he doesn't even know himself and it tinges him with an ease he can't begin to find anywhere else right now. ]
Yeah. Always. Pain in the ass when you're stuck with him in a car for sixteen hours straight but hey- some days it gets you through even when you hate it.
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HOW DID THIS BECOME AWFUL
Date: 2016-08-06 04:05 pm (UTC)You mean the, uh- [ He waves a hand before pulling a shot glass near, already lining up another lime, preparing himself for the downpour of booze, the numbing waves he needs right now to drown out the static noise that's raining down in the back of his mind. ]
Optimistic puppy dog thing? Always looking up, always gonna get better, just look on the bright side? [ He's not sure why he's trying to offer her something here, like showing baby photos out of his back pocket that he does not possess of a little brother he wants to give the world to. Whatever makes you happy, Sammy, whatever gives you what you need most, Dean would give him the world and then some if he could. And so he gives what he can before he downs a shot, because taking care of Sam, even without taking shit, is easy. He can do it asleep, with his eyes closed, dangling with his life on the line. Sam is what he knows when he doesn't even know himself and it tinges him with an ease he can't begin to find anywhere else right now. ]
Yeah. Always. Pain in the ass when you're stuck with him in a car for sixteen hours straight but hey- some days it gets you through even when you hate it.